HOW MY LOVE STORY ENDED BEFORE IT HAD EVEN STARTED (PART 3)

# HE SAID HE WOULD WAIT, SO I HAD TO GO

These sun rays, I hate them. The direct light from the window on my face, I just hate to wake up this early. I woke up and pulled the curtains. Well, it’s a beautiful day today. Even my head feels light. Annupam, I couldn't get his name out of my head though. He said he would wait. Should I go or should I not? Nope, I shouldn't bother about him. I went to the kitchen for my usual morning tea.

Taking a sip of the tea, “why not stalk about him?”, I asked myself. I opened my laptop, all set to figure his history out. I opened my face book account. There goes his name on my search engine. I can’t believe there are so many people with his name. It’s going to be a tough task.

Suddenly, a friend request popped up on my screen with a message. It was none other than Annupam. His message read, “Hey there. It’s me. You’re trying to find me right?” Well, that was unexpected. I didn't accept his request, trying to act as if I had not checked my facebook. Then I got a message again. It read, “I know you have already seen my message. I think you are unaware that the message is shown as seen once it’s checked.” He sent the text with grinning emoticon. It was annoying.

Well, I didn't want to accept his request, but his profile was so private that I had to do it to find more about him. I sent him a text, “What are you doing in facebook this early morning?” He replied, “Waiting for you.” The reply was not convincing, yet it was sweet. I wrote, “Don’t ever wait for me otherwise you will regret.” He wrote in return, “I’ll be waiting for you at the same place where we departed yesterday at 10:00 a.m. sharp.” I didn't reply anything then.

Should I go or should I not? It was already 9:00 a.m. and I hadn't decided yet. I finally made up my mind to go anyways. After all, I had to find out what happened to his mom or maybe it was just an excuse to meet me.

I started to get ready. “What is this? I don’t have anything to wear. All of my wardrobe is messed up with rubbish clothes. I must have bought something good yesterday.” I realized I was talking to myself. I don’t know why I was acting the way I was. It was just a casual meet.

I chose a red dress and put on some make up. I looked at myself in the mirror. My goodness! I looked horrible. The colour and makeup, both were absolutely loud. I washed the whole make up away and picked a light colour T-shirt. I put on a bit of compact and gloss. I can’t even remember how many times I made my hair. I know I was acting absurd but I couldn't help myself.

I didn’t want to be late. I hurried to the place. Before reaching there, I just took out compact from my bag and added it to my face. I know that was not me but I had to act that way.

Finally, I reached there. He was standing at the same spot, looking at the other side. I coughed just enough to draw his attention. He looked at me. He said, “You’re here. I knew you would come.”

He came a bit closer and said, “You look adorable. Thank God, you don’t wear loud colours like some girls do. I just hate that.” I don’t know why but my heart started racing as I was the centre of his attention. For a moment, I felt like he almost caught me. Thank God, I had changed the dress and removed the makeup.

“By the way, you look fairer. Did you by any chance get ready for me?” He blinked his eyes as he said so. I didn't know what to say. I couldn't just deny it. Somehow I managed to give a reply, “I am a girl. Just because you see me once without make up on doesn't mean I don’t put on any at all.”

He said, “Okie ma’am. Let’s sit down somewhere first. I showed him a short wall that was nearby where we could sit. As we were sitting down, he said, “I have something for you.” I saw flowers by his side and said, “I don’t like flowers. They fade away.” He immediately said, “I haven’t brought one. Actually, I was quite bored sitting alone. So, I bought some chocolates. Since you came earlier than I thought, these are some leftovers.” He then gave me a bar of chocolate. That was rude, but I knew he had bought them for me.

We were both looking around and smiling at each other. Maybe we both couldn't think where to start. I wanted to ask him what had happened to his mom but I didn't know how to. After gathering enough courage, I dared ask him, “What happened to your mom?” I could see the colour of his face fade away as he heard my question. He took a long breathe and said, “Well, after the party, we went home. She was talking about you all the way along. Maybe she was impressed by you. She even caught me get blushed while talking about you. She teased me by your name. Maybe that’s why moms are always special. They can figure out what their child wants just in a glimpse.

The very next day, my mom had to attend a meeting. She was in a hurry and I thought of giving her a ride. We were on our way when a bus hit my bike. Next thing I know, I am at a hospital. I came to know it was only me who survived the accident. I was seriously injured though. I couldn't even move my legs. I went through every possible therapy. Doctors said that I recovered fast. I can now walk at least. You haven’t noticed that I can’t walk properly, have you?”

Well, I hadn't noticed.

“Is that why you were at the hospital yesterday?” I asked.

“Yes. I still have appointment with my therapist twice a week. But I have almost recovered now.”

“Thank God. Everything is good now. You’re fine.” I said.

“See, almost a year has passed but I’m still stuck there, the day after the party. Sorry for not being in contact. I was physically incapable so I didn't know if you would still want to be my friend.” He said.

I didn't know what to say. Those were huge words. I just sat there still; wordless and expressionless.

He continued, “My father passed away when I was little. I don’t even remember his face. I have an elder sister. My mom, she raised us. She was a strong woman. She raised us really well. We got to live a life that an average person can never think of. She did everything that a father should do but still I missed him so much. I missed him in my school days, parent’s day, result day. Every day, my friend’s dad came to pick him up. I wanted my dad to come too. I wanted him there when I learnt to ride a bicycle. I wanted him to say, “Son, you can do it” in every step of my life. I desperately wanted to see him on my graduation ceremony and say, “I’m proud of you, my son.” I wanted my father to hear me say, “Dad, I got my first salary today.” But he was never there. But my mom was and now, God even took her away from me.”

 I could see tears rolling down his eyes as he was saying that. After he finished, he started to literally cry. I rubbed his back and said, “Please, don’t cry. I know you are strong enough. Life is sometimes a bad joke but other times it’s meaningful.”

As I said that, he hid his face on my shoulders and started to cry like a child. I didn't know what to say to console him. I don’t know why but tears rolled down my eyes too. I rubbed his back and asked him not to cry. “Please, don’t cry.” Those were the only words I could say him. After a while, we both managed to come out of that emotional moment.

To make things normal I said, “I didn't know you look more handsome being emotional. The bold, arrogant, Know it all attitude doesn't suit you at all.” He smiled and replied.”Well, you too look beautiful when you stay listening to me without acting cranky.”

“Really? Then I think I should just keep listening to you forever.” He smiled as I said that. I was happy because it made him smile.

“There is a place I want to take you. Will you come with me?” he asked.

I replied, “Where? What if you kidnap me? No, I won’t go.”

“Umm… For money. I think I have enough and for other thing I don’t think you are that beautiful to put an effort on.” He said.

“What do you mean by that?” I asked angrily.

“Well, intelligent people understand but as you are dumb, so just follow me.” He stood up holding my hands and started walking.

I shouted, “You…how dare you?” and just followed him.

We took a taxi from the main road. He gave the driver a random location. I had no idea where we were going. After an hour, we reached our destination. It was somewhere far from the city. I could feel it in its fresh air. There was something nice about this place. I think it was the peace. He guided me to a place and after walking few steps we reached an orphanage.

 He said, “This orphanage provides shelter to 125 children. My mom used to fund this place. I have come here with her a few times before.”

 As we entered the orphanage, the kids playing on the ground came to him, like they were waiting for him. They hugged him. Few kids jumped upon him. Then he took out a packet of chocolate from his bag and gave it to the kids. I was wrong earlier, those were the chocolates for the kids not me; and the flowers, were for the lady who looked after the kids. We talked to the kids. He introduced me to the kids. We spent some quality time with them.

As the kids were playing on the ground, Annupam said to me, “I have always wanted to establish an orphanage on my own; and I am working on it. Most probably I will accomplish my mission within a year from now.” I replied, “That’s nice. You have good intentions. You’ll surely accomplish it.”

He continued. “I love kids. I have always been fond of kids. I’ll have two kids, “Tunu” and “Munu” after marrying you.” That sentence came out all of sudden I think.

“Whoa! Hello, who said I’m marrying you?” I said that and walked away from the where we were sitting. “Then we can have them before marriage, what do you think?” he said.

“You are totally sick.” I turned around as I said that. I didn't know he was following me. We collided. It was awkward.

“Yes, I’m sick and I want you to nurse me, will you?” his voice tone lowered as he said that. 

Before I could think of anything, I blushed. 

We just walked together after that. I asked him, “Did you have any girlfriends before?”

 He replied, “Yes, of course. Girls used to die for me since school days. I’ve dated almost 20 girls and I’m still dating one.”

 Well, I wasn’t expecting that.

 He asked, “And you?” 

Actually, I hadn't dated even one but I replied, “Yes, I've dated some. Actually, boys were always an interesting chapter for me to study.”

 He said, “Really?” and looked at me with his suspicious eyes. I couldn't lie more and for some reason I didn't want my image to get spoilt in front of him. So, I replied, “Speaking truthfully, I haven’t dated even one.”

 He smiled and said, “I knew it. I was bluffing too. I have been with a few girls but that was just nothing. I think this is my third date.”

 “Wh..at? What date? This is not a date. This is our first formal meeting. You called and I came. That is it. Date is something different. This isn't what a date is supposed to be” I replied immediately.

“Then how is a date supposed to be, huh?” he asked.

“Do you really want to know?” I asked.

He said, “Of course.”

I took a few steps towards him. He moved few steps backwards. Luckily, there was a wall behind him. He stopped. I went closer to him, ran my finger from his forehead to chin and pulled his chin much closer to mine and said, “See, you haven’t even shaved properly. How is this supposed to be a date? If it was a date, you would at least shave properly.”

I smiled. He smiled too but a bit later. Maybe it took a while for him to figure out what actually happened.

“Let’s go for a date the next time. I swear I’ll come clean shaved. Are you ready?” he asked.

I said, “I’ll think about it.”

“I think I should buy you a dress then”, he said.

I questioned, “Why do you always think of spending money?”

He replied, “Actually, I earn enough but I don’t have anyone to spend on. And it’s hard to handle all this money. That’s why I need a lady to spend it on. It will be lot easier then.

“I think I should be that lady then. It seems to be a profitable deal. What do you think?” I asked.

“I couldn't have agreed more. But you have to promise me that you’ll remain by my side forever whatever the circumstances.”

“I can at least do that.” I smiled as I said that and walked away.

We took a taxi and reached the same place where we had met earlier. “I think this place should be named after us as it has become our junction, what do you say?”

“If this was our private property, I guess we could.” I replied.

“It’s already late. I think I should leave now.” I said as I looked at my watch.

“Wait. I think we should take a snap together.” He took out his phone. He pulled me closer and took a selfie. It was a nice feeling indeed, to be so close to him.

He then asked for my phone too. He wanted to take a snap from my phone so that I would remember him each time I used my phone. That was silly.

 I bid him goodbye but again he stopped me. He said that he had something more to say. I asked him what that was.

He then kneeled down and started singing, “There you are in your perfect way, you've got that little shine in your eyes…………..If I could change your mind how would you want me?......” He was singing making funny faces. His voice was not even considerable. It was actually bad.

Seeing his funny face and hearing his voice I said, “If you sing for a few more second, the foxes around will come and eat us.”I started laughing.

After a while, I realized he was looking at me and smiling. I didn't say a word but raised my eyebrows to ask what. He nodded his head nothing and said, “It’s just that I have never seen you laugh this whole heartedly before. You look beautiful. You have an alluring beauty.”

I didn't know why but before he could finish his words, I hugged him tight. He too hugged me tight and said, “Akrity, I don’t know if it makes any sense as this is only the third time we have met but you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I haven’t felt this happy ever before. I don’t know but I have a feeling that I can rely on you forever. I think I’m in love with you. No, actually I’m sure that I’m truly, madly and deeply in love with you.”

Hearing this, tears rolled down my eyes. I haven’t felt this safe, this satisfied and this happy ever before. I felt I could rely on him forever too. I felt safe in his arms. I didn't know whether it was right or wrong, whether he’ll stand by me forever or not, whether I important to him or not or whether it was just a joke? I just wanted to forget everything and live the moment. I too wanted to tell him that I loved him even more and he was the best thing that had ever happened to me too. But for some reason, I couldn't say. I wanted the entire time to just freeze so that I would be in his arms forever this way.

I AM A BRAVE WARRIOR OF MY OWN LIFE (Part I)

It’s a story about a girl who struggles through various emotional changes while growing up. Though she has everything she wants in her life, there is a kind of emptiness and, loneliness in her heart. She can never choose what she wants although she has total freedom. Can she live for herself? Will she be able to live the way she wants? Will she be able to fight with all those unseen obstacles of her life? What is it that comes as a turning point in her life and changes everything? Although, the turning point brings all kind of positive changes in her, she is left emptier. She feels that nothing is left and she just stands at bay of sea and wonders what the waves will bring for her.

NOTE: This story is purely based on fiction. Any resemblance with anyone's life would be just a coincidence.

CHAPTER 1

Every time our mind switches from one thought to another. It’s an irony how it doesn't rest at all. Sometimes our mind leaves us surprised. We do not know our own extent of imagination. Several thoughts keep turning in our mind, the good and the bad. There is most often a conflict going on in our minds between our angel side and our demon side. What kind of people we are is based on the result of that war. It’s up to us who we let to win, the demon side or the angel side.

There is a heavy war going on my mind and it has left everything out there misplaced. The question," why is this war occurring? What is it all about? What circumstances have caused it? These are the questions that no one can answer but me. I know the answers to these questions somewhere deep inside me but yet again, if I have to answer these questions to someone, I would not be able to reply for single one.

Today I feel like writing once again. I had stopped writing because it leaves evidences behind but today I just want to start writing. Life once lived would remain a fresh memory and well, I would feel better too. Maybe I’ve many stories buried inside me which I want people to know but I wonder if I’ll be able to write them all?

I believe every story written or told, every tales known by people is not just a story or a simple tale. It must have been the experience of someone. It must have been the life once lived by someone. Every single story looks simple but it is actually complicated. We figure it out as we seriously go through the story. In a story, happy and sad ending come and go as a flash of light but one must have really struggled through those hard times to eventually get to a happy ending. And who can guarantee a happy ending anyways? The life after that ending is not explained in any stories but life doesn't end till our death. The ending can be happy or sad, one cannot predict and not all the stories need to have a happy ending.

People say life is short .It is actually not that short. It’s a long journey that we have to go through. We cannot run away from it and we have no other choice but to be a part of that journey. Life will bring adventure, excitement, joy, sorrow and pain. We will have to confront each one of it. And we will be able to confront it as we all are the brave warriors of our own lives.

Our journey was set right from our birth. In this journey, we will meet different individuals in the form of mom, dad, siblings, friends, soul mate, life partner, children and strangers. We will have different kinds of attachment with different individuals. We will have some duties to fulfill and at times we will have to fight with our emotions. This journey is all about choices between responsibilities and emotions. It’s the right decision we ought to take in the right time. Nevertheless, the journey started will go on, move on. Every single time we will move forward. Our voyage must fight  all the harsh waves and hurricanes until the voyage sinks.

One last thing to remember, the journey traveled should not go on vain. In this journey, we must be able to leave our impact, whether it is big or small and whether the impact affects the whole world or just our near and dear ones. For the fact, our name will be engraved in history either in paper or in the hearts of people.

CHAPTER 2

Whatever happened today is gone and the next day is always a new day with a new beginning. With this aspiration, she sleeps every night and wakes up every morning. Today she woke up with the same aspiration. Yes, that’s all .Today it’s a new day, it’s a fresh starting. I do not remember yesterday, do I? No, no and a big NO .Oops I have STML. I forgot everything. Well, well, you would not know but STML means short term memory loss. I got to know the short form from a sweet friend of mine.

The heavy shower last night was terrifying and breath-taking .Although, I was in my room, I could feel myself drenched in that heavy fall. The raindrops were hitting my body. The weight of every raindrops that hit my body was like the burden of my life that I could feel inside of me. I could not sleep last night. I was restless. It felt like everything I had put together in life were falling apart like how the rain tears the green leaves from its trees never to be put back again.

But yes, yesterday is gone, the stormy and rainy night is gone. The clouds have left giving some space for the beautiful rays of sunlight to fall on the earth.

I just came out of my room and started the day with my daily routine. I washed my face and went to the table for breakfast. At the table were everyone, my near ones and my dear ones. They are my family. I've to admit, when I look at my family, everyone is crazy, a bit dramatic or even over dramatic. If a third person were to come to our house and stay with us, they would find us insane. Maybe every one of us is good at overacting. I can feel the craziness of my family today too, the laughter, the sarcastic comments, and well everyone has got their line ready to fight right back. And it seems like the World War Three has begun.

Today I've got something new. I ought to go to work. It’s a pay-less job but I have to do it. And guess what, my mom is super-duper excited about it. She comes near me, reminds me about it and grins at me; and I find it quite irritating. It’s not like I am earning for my family. But I would not want to hurt her; so I smile back when she smiles at me. I wonder how she can be so happy in such a small thing. How I wish I could be like her, enjoying every moment to its fullest.

It’s time to go to work. I quickly got ready and bid my mom goodbye. My mom's happiness is the only thing I long the most in this hectic world. I know she has forgotten everything and I can't deny I helped her forget everything. But why can't I forget everything? Every time I decide to let go of my past, more I hold onto it. I act so cool in front of everyone, my mom, my family and whole world. The people who know me praise my optimism, the way I think, my philosophy and the way I act. But deep inside, I'm still stubborn who can't let go of things that easily.

I know whatever happened in past is a history, but history repeats and I fear of nothing other than the history repeating once again. Every time I ask myself, “Will that happen again?" I want to answer, “No dear. It will never happen.” But again, a stronger voice than mine suppresses what I have to say and loud and clear I hear, “It will obviously happen. History is a proof. Whatever happened will happen again.” Time passes by and every kind of people are born in every generation who experience once again what has been experienced by someone else. It’s life. Life goes around and revolves round and round.

CHAPTER 3

I lay on my bed resting my shoulder on a pillow. With another pillow on my lap, I stare at the walls of my room. After a while, I see my sister sleeping beside me. She is sleeping so peacefully. I wonder if she too has some things that makes her restless and impatient. I wonder if other people of my generation are just as restless as me.

I still remember, I was such a quiet and a shy child. I was a beautiful and cute kid loved by everyone, praised by everyone and flattered by everyone. I was "Miss Snow White” as my mom says. My mom tells me that when I was little, even a random person walking on a road would not pass without carrying me and teasing me as I was such a cute baby girl.

I don't remember much, but from what my mom explained, my childhood must have been awesome. But from when I can remember, my memories are not that sweet and awesome. Most people of my generation claim their teenage to be the best part of their life but for me it was the worst. Sometimes I even wonder how I tolerated it. But people say there are always worst situations in life that just comes and goes, maybe one of the worst times of my life just went by.

The time passed away but the consequences haunt me still today. The impacts caused by it in my life still remains. I don't know who to blame? Shall I blame myself? People? God? Or time? Maybe no one can be blamed. Maybe it was my fate and I had to go through with it.

I wonder why the past doesn't fade away. What it engraved on my life gets darker and darker with each passing time?

I really don't want to go deeper in the past. As I go deeper, I find various evidences that make me more confused. History has secrets buried within itself but how many? The more the secrets get revealed, the more complicated the past becomes. Who knows the full truth? Maybe just the ones who lived in it.

Everything is so confusing. What are the real faces of people? Trust and betrayal goes side by side. Each evidence for a truth creates new confusion. Who is innocent and who is the real culprit? It’s really a tough task to judge. And no judgement can be made without full proof. With every judgement, I would just hurt myself.

I know it was me who buried all those secrets and with that I have ended all the sources from which the secrets could be revealed. I was really very confused. I really didn't know what to do? If I had just left them then it would have tortured my near and dear ones even more. Burying those evidences has made it easy for everyone to forget everything. And now I don't think anyone remembers it except for those who had lived it. But I am really curious to know what the real circumstances were.

Is the person I blame the real culprit? Or what about the person I take side of? Am I living in misunderstanding? Is no one is to be blamed at all?

Uff, it’s a quiet night and maybe the calmness and the peace in this environment have given a chance to my heart and soul to raise these many questions. There are strong hurricanes, cyclones and storm, in my mind, heart and soul. If I keep myself awake in this peaceful evening, no wonder everything inside me will be misplaced. Then, I pull my blanket, turn off the lights and just close my eyes.

CHAPTER 4

I had always remained aloof from the big circles of friends. Till date, I have very countable number of friends. I didn't want to be with so many people for they could have found my weakness. The only thing I didn't want was that sympathetic eye of people looking at me. I am capable of taking care of myself and I can do everything. I prepared myself with almost all those qualities. People do not know my capabilities and I don't really show them. I have preserved them for the time when it will be required. I can’t be pathetic in front of anyone and I know I will never be.

I do talk to people in my circle. In my circles I am the most happiest of all, always smiling and always joking. I joke a lot, make people laugh, flirt a lot because I do not want them to explore me and find what's on my mind. I do not want them to know me at all. With normal people and friends, I maybe an arrogant girl who never pauses to say hello to someone she knows as she is walking by. And it’s the fact, I just don't want anyone to know me and anyone to feel sorry for me. I do not want anyone to be too close to me. I know I can never give anyone anything other than suffering and tears. No one will ever be able to understand me and make me feel good. And why would anyone bother anyways?

Talking about love, relationship, it all sounds so much superficial to me. Maybe it’s because I haven't seen any successful stories about it or maybe I do not want to believe in it. Everything seems so fake. There is only one thing that’s real and it’s the existence of the human being. It’s just for phenomenon of existing and what keeps on going is attachment, commitment, loyalty and caring. I hated the word love and the idea of being in love. I only believe that people come closer for some reasons. There are of course a lot of selfish reasons for two people to come together. People just hide their selfish intentions giving it the name of love. It’s just a veil for people’s intention. Maybe there are some reasons that made me hate the idea of loving someone or being in love.

Moreover, I wasn't that beautiful since my teenage. I had suffered from all those pimples problems and I had hard time during my teenage years due to family stress that possibly made my hair fall so much. The Snow white turned into a black ugly duckling with all those scars. Her hair that was once thick, black and long has become a mouse's tail; and all those stresses, physical and mental have permanently made home within me. I could neither stay peaceful at school or at home. Maybe as I was ugly, people used to avoid me and pay less attention. I remember, although I was among the top students, hardly few teachers recognized me. These behaviour of people made me more alone and feel more lonely. I slowly lost my self-confidence and started remaining aloof from everyone. I lived in my own world with few people and started being happy in my own imaginary world. I didn't give a damn to what people said. I don't know what went wrong, instead of being interested in guys or being blushed as they walked by, I started being irritated by the more thought of any guy. I remember a time in Holi, when a guy told me it would be a waste of balloon if he threw it on me. That day, I realized the world agrees more with physical appearance. Many other circumstances have now compelled me to believe that all those fairy tales are just the fairy tales and nothing else.

I realized the more attention you pay to people, the more they make you feel low. The more love and care you give, the more hatred and selfish behaviour you receive in return. The more respect you give others, the more disrespect you get back. I used to study that we will get love in return if we love others but this world doesn't work that way. If you have power and money and all those bad qualities, you are great person. I realized that all those qualities that I read as bad in social studies classes and moral science classes were the basics for survival. Maybe I went wrong there, mugged up all those and applied in my life.

Today if God would grant me a wish, I would ask him to make me the most cruel, selfish and self-centric person in this world. Maybe I should not even ask God for any favour. I myself am in the process of becoming the most cruel, selfish and self-centric person on my own and I promise that I will succeed.

CHAPTER 5

It hurts.

And it really hurts a lot.

It feels like my head will burst or maybe I will go insane. No I can't turn insane. But how do I control this impatience and despair? I finally went through the experience that I never ever wanted to go through. I have always tried to avoid it happening again as long as I can remember. But maybe history repeats.

But what do I do now?? I just don't know. I am going through so many things at once that I have become hopeless. Sometimes I ask God, “Why me? Why just me? There are millions and trillions of other people out there but why it’s just me? “I know it’s not worth asking God. It doesn't mean that I don't believe in God but it’s just that things don't work out well between me and God sometimes. He left me helpless in the crucial stage of my life and I feel betrayed.

I've shed a lot of tears and yet they don’t stop. I wonder how much tear can flow from an eye. Don't they ever finish? Every night I sleep begging God, “Please, may I not have to see the sunlight tomorrow. Spare me from this life."

I wasn't this weak. I had gone through many ups and downs since my childhood. I used to be my own ideal; I was strong enough then to wake up every day with new aspiration about life. I used to think what's gone is gone and a new day is a new beginning for a better tomorrow. But what happened to me? Did I change? I really must have changed a lot or maybe desperation is killing the real me little by little.

People say that, life always gives you a second chance but what if you do not want one. Today I stand in life's most crucial stage. Or maybe I am being too dramatic in life. Today, I've no option other than to stand at the bay of the sea and wait for what the waves will bring. I cannot jump into the sea or swim or explore its depth.